I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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