He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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