After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
