I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
