it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
