You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
