I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
