There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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