After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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