I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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