i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
