I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
