So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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