Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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