her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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