did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
