So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
