i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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