he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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