I heard we made out
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
