You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
