The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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