I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
