i permit you to call me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
