So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
