dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change