Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident