I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You made out with two different species that night
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.