Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
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i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me