I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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