FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
