bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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