I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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