So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You are the jesus of drinking
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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