What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
