If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
