I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
