Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
