I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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