So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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