I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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