He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
