that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found puke in my bra..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
