You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
