She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
