i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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