She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
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I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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