remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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