I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
