I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
