Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
