Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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