Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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