There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
