I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
