Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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