No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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