five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
