Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Randomize
