my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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