I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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