At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
