On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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