Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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