I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
