so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
