I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone came in the potted fern
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
A bitchslap is in order.
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