my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am midnight drunk by noon
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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