Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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