I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
