You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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