well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
