last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You dont lie about slip and slides
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
