Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
