I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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