Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
