My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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