I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
